I’m upstairs and my wife and son are downstairs.
Wife: Jed…can you come down and get a bug?
Me: Yeah…be down in a minute.
Son: I can do it.
Me: Yeah…he can do it.
Wife: Oh…ok.
Son (to my wife): You don’t respect me.
And now a haiku:
Brave ones get respect
Bug killers and vanquishers
Armed with a tissue
My son had a friend sleep over on Saturday night and we did not have much in the way of breakfast foods for the next morning. We stopped at Harris Teeter after our Saturday night activities and my son and his friend went in while my wife and I waited in the car.
When they came back, I asked them what they bought. My son says, “Sugary bagels and protein drinks”. Sugary bagels? I was confused for about 2 seconds. “Oh…donuts! Good one. What about the protein drinks?” “Chocolate milk.”
And now a haiku:
Sugary bagels
Crafty way to say donuts
Unbalanced breakfast
And now a haiku:
Daughter in college
House feels empty without her
Cheaper water bill
And now a haiku:
Spent my Saturday
Running errands with the boy
Jersey Mike’s for lunch
I dreamt about pizza last night. In the dream, I was craving pizza. I ordered the pizza. I received the pizza. I opened the pizza box. I could not eat the pizza. I had to enter a password into an app on my phone before I could take a slice. That does not sound too hard, especially when the password was “DAD”. However, the keyboard in the app was impossible. I kept hitting the wrong letters. When I finally was able to enter “DA”, the keyboard went crazy and the letters kept moving. Then, my alarm went off and I woke up.
Why did I have this dream? I am trying to lose weight. I have not been happy with my weight for years, but it seems like no matter what I do, nothing sticks. I found this app online called Noom. It is not your typical weight loss app. They do not want you to be a customer for life. You sign up for 4 months (and it does cost money). You track your calories, but they categorize food by calorie density, which is interesting. Fruits, vegetables, and whole grains are green – large portions = low calories. Foods like lean proteins are yellow. Processed foods (chips), candy, and calorie dense foods like nuts are red – small portions = high calories. Not only do you have a daily calorie limit, but you have to distribute your calories into the green, yellow, red categories. It’s really eye-opening to see where the foods I would typically eat fall and it makes it effortless to make better choices.
However, there is more to the app then calorie counting. It is a 4-month course. Every day you spend about 10 – 15 minutes reading articles and taking quizzes. They delve into the psychology of eating and help you understand why you are overeating, what your triggers are, and how to change your behavior. The goal is that after 4 months, you will have all the tools to make good choices and never need them again. You also get assigned a Goal Specialist who you communicate with and you get put in a group led by a coach that helps lead discussions.
Now, about the pizza dream. Noom says that no food is off limits, but that you just need to be smart about portions and to make sure it fits in your red, yellow, green budget. I did have a piece of leftover pizza last week for lunch. It was only 250 calories and was classified as yellow. I probably had room in my budget for a second piece, but I ended up making myself a salad instead. My goal is to lose 25 lbs. in 4 months. It’s been almost 3 weeks and I’ve lost 7 pounds so far!
And now a haiku:
Dreams about pizza
Restrictions are in your mind
Resize your portions
My family and I recently returned from a fantastic vacation in New York City. We saw 3 musicals:
As we do on all vacations, we take lots of pictures. Almost annoyingly so. I almost miss the days of film, when you had no idea if you got a good shot and it cost money, so you were more careful.
Anyway, my daughter and son had the funniest exchange while my daughter was fixing her hair before taking a picture. My son was getting frustrated waiting for her.
My son: It’s not about taking pictures. It’s about making memories.
My daughter: Yeah…but I want to look good in my memories.
And now a haiku:
Making memories
Doesn’t really matter much
Unless you look good
This morning my daughter and I had the following exchange:
Daughter: I was sleeping so well, but then my alarm woke me up.
Me: I was sleeping so well, but then my bladder woke me up.
And now a haiku:
Arousal from sleep
The youngsters use their alarms
Oldsters, their bladders
Yesterday, my daughter asked me to drive her to school early so that she could meet with her math teacher to get some extra help. No problem. She said she would be ready at 6:50am. I got up a little earlier than normal and hopped on the elliptical to get my workout in.
I was ready at 6:50am, but my daughter was not. She came downstairs at 6:55am. Since this is not the first time she has not been ready at the time she requested to leave, I gave her a nice lecture about respect for other people’s time. I told her that the next time she is late, I will not drive her.
Last night, she asked me, again, to take her to school early to meet with her math teacher. She promised that she would be ready on time. I said ok.
I do not set an alarm. My body has a habit of waking itself sometime between 6 and 6:45am. Unfortunately, today, my body decided to sleep in a bit.
At 6:50am, my daughter comes into the bedroom and says, “Dad…come on. we have to go.” I groggily got up, threw on a sweatshirt and told her that I will meet her downstairs.
Fortunately, she was kind enough not throw my lateness in my face. Unfortunately, fate did that for me.
We walk outside and I am still trying to fully wake up. I unlock the car and awkwardly and forcefully open the door…directly into my face. I really cannot describe how this happened. The frame of the door hit the frame of my glasses with so much force, that I got a nice gash on my cheek and a bruise on my cheekbone. Ouch.
Yes, I am a hypocrite. This could have been avoided if I had just set my alarm. Lesson learned.
And now a haiku:
Pleasure to meet you
My hypocriticsm
Strikes a crushing blow
You may want to catch up on part 1 and part 2 before venturing onward.
I recently joined a poker league that is run out of a local bar. There are two tournaments per night. One starting at 6:30, the other around 9:30. Last Thursday, I busted out about 1 hour into the second tournament. I left the bar disappointed and headed home around 10:30pm.
On our front stoop, by the front door, we have a large planter. Since my wife and I are not very good at keeping plant-life living, the only thing in the planter was an empty wicker basket.
As I walked up the stairs toward the front stoop, I noticed something out of place in my peripheral vision. I turned my head and was startled to see a bird perched on the wicker basket.
As a child, my family had a pet parakeet. Because of that, I know that when a bird is ready to sleep, it settles down on its perch and its feather fluff out and can look like a big puff ball. This bird looked like that…like it was getting ready to sleep. However, the bird did not appear to be asleep, since its black eyes were wide open, coldly staring at me.
I would expect that when a human being approaches a bird, that the bird would startle and fly away. However, this bird did nothing. I looked at it and it was frozen like a statue. I moved toward it and the bird did not budge.
I felt like I had to document this, so I took out my phone and got pretty close to it and took a pic
ture. The bird did not flinch. Either this bird has had a particularly tiring day or it was approaching the end of its life. I instantly thought of the cat and the rabbit that died in my yard and thought, “Here we go again!” Is my house built on some sort of Wiccan burial ground? What is it about my house that attracts animals with limited time left?
I gave up on the bird and unlocked the door with my key. I was hoping that when I opened the door, the bird would get scared and fly away (and not into my house). I turned the door knob and opened the door. The bird moved! Just slightly, but it definitely turned its head toward me. It’s alive! At least for now. I went to bed worried about what I would find when I woke up in the morning.
When I woke up the next day, the first thing I did was go downstairs to see if the bird was a) still there, and b) still alive. I slowly tilted the blinds opened and peered down into the basket. The bird was gone! Fortunately, it did not seem to suffer the same fate as the cat or the rabbit. Well…as far as I know. It is certainly possible that a predator got a nice meal in the middle of the night, but there was no evidence of that.
I feel a bit more secure that my house will not be the setting for a Pet Sematary sequel. I truly hope that the bird is ok. I would offer it our house as a resting place any time it wants, but hopefully not its “final” resting place.
And now a haiku:
Fluffy and tired
Please just be here for the night
Not for your last breath
Today, my wife and I celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. Ten years ago, I wrote about our 10 year anniversary.
A lot has changed since then. Most obvious is that we are ten years older and we made a life changing move from our comfort zone in Maryland to the unknowns of North Carolina. However, a lot has stayed the same. Specifically, how I feel about my wife. Ten years ago, I referred to her as an “extension of me”. That is definitely still the case — even more so if that is possible.
My daughter, who just finished her sophomore year of high school, had an English teacher this year who is married to her Biology teacher. She comes home from school one day and declares that she does not understand how they are a couple. Her English teacher (the husband) is loud and excitable, while her Biology teacher (the wife) is quiet and serious. She likes both teachers a lot, but cannot understand how they are a couple. I looked at her like she was crazy and said, “Have you met your parents?”
For those of you that know my wife and me, you know how different we are. Like my daughter’s English teacher, my wife is outgoing and extroverted, while I am more reserved and introverted. Our personalities complement each other, which has given us a nice balance that I think has positively contributed to our relationship.
Life is not always easy and, by extension, marriage is not always easy. However, I do not feel like being married 20 years was a challenge. Our anniversary is certainly something to celebrate (like a birthday), but not necessarily an accomplishment (like graduating from college). I am more amazed by the percentage of my life that we have been together as a couple (5 years of dating + 20 years of marriage), which is currently standing at 57% and climbing.
I am just thankful that I have found a valued partner in love and life and I am looking forward to what the next 20 years have in store for us and our family.
And now a haiku:
Personalities
Complementing each other
Creating balance
And now another haiku:
We each do our part
Split responsibilities
Good thing I can cook
Better Off Jed 